Prologue
Katniss Everdeen
“Peeta!” I called out after him as he turned to go. It was involuntary but it couldn’t be stopped. I couldn’t bear to see him walk away. “Will you stay with me?” I bit my lip as I waited for an answer for what felt like an eternity.
“Yeah, of course.” He returned to my side and crawled into my bed with me. Then quietly, almost too quietly for me to hear, he added, “Always.” I turned to look up at him. The boy with the bread. The boy who protected me. The one who was always there for me. The only one I could trust. The only one who understood what it was like to be in this position. There were so many ways I could describe him but right now it all came back to one. My friend. And the way he looked at me, I knew he felt that way too. I was his friend, his companion, his love. I had to do what I could to make him happy. We were engaged now. There would never be another life for us. I owed him so much and if I could make him happy, who was I to deny him that much? So I kissed him. He seemed surprised at first but when I didn’t pull back he responded enthusiastically.
His tongue ran over my bottom lip and I opened my mouth instinctively. Peeta’s arms wrapped around my back and he pulled me tightly to him. I felt that thing again. That thing I had felt in the caves was flaring up in my stomach. I tried to push it down at first but after a moment I threw all caution to the wind and embraced it. I rolled into his arms and enveloped myself in his comforting warmth. His warmth was spreading through me. The electricity was connecting us, holding us in place. I needed him now. I needed him like I needed oxygen. I needed to be closer, I needed to be part of him. So I gave in. Or rather, I gave in to something Peeta had never outright asked for. I rolled on top of him, deepened our kiss and when I felt Peeta’s body responding I smiled against his lips.
“Katniss,” He breathed as I moved from his lips to his neck. ”Katniss I think we need to take a break.” I shook my head.
“No Peeta. I think we need to just keep going.” He pushed back for a minute.
“Katniss, don’t…” Whatever he had been about to say was cut off by my lips against his and my hips grinding against his noticeable excitement.
“I love you Peeta.” I whispered in his ear. I wasn’t lying. I did love him. Of that I was completely sure. What I wasn’t certain of was whether or not I was in love with him. At this moment I didn’t feel that clarification was necessary and he didn’t ask.
Those four words were enough. He gave in. And after, as we lay together, out of breath but full of heat, he whispered them back to me.
“I love you Katniss.” I nestled my head in the curve of his shoulder, feeling his bare skin against my cheek. I closed my eyes, and for the first time in weeks, I slept soundly.
“Peeta!” I called out after him as he turned to go. It was involuntary but it couldn’t be stopped. I couldn’t bear to see him walk away. “Will you stay with me?” I bit my lip as I waited for an answer for what felt like an eternity.
“Yeah, of course.” He returned to my side and crawled into my bed with me. Then quietly, almost too quietly for me to hear, he added, “Always.” I turned to look up at him. The boy with the bread. The boy who protected me. The one who was always there for me. The only one I could trust. The only one who understood what it was like to be in this position. There were so many ways I could describe him but right now it all came back to one. My friend. And the way he looked at me, I knew he felt that way too. I was his friend, his companion, his love. I had to do what I could to make him happy. We were engaged now. There would never be another life for us. I owed him so much and if I could make him happy, who was I to deny him that much? So I kissed him. He seemed surprised at first but when I didn’t pull back he responded enthusiastically.
His tongue ran over my bottom lip and I opened my mouth instinctively. Peeta’s arms wrapped around my back and he pulled me tightly to him. I felt that thing again. That thing I had felt in the caves was flaring up in my stomach. I tried to push it down at first but after a moment I threw all caution to the wind and embraced it. I rolled into his arms and enveloped myself in his comforting warmth. His warmth was spreading through me. The electricity was connecting us, holding us in place. I needed him now. I needed him like I needed oxygen. I needed to be closer, I needed to be part of him. So I gave in. Or rather, I gave in to something Peeta had never outright asked for. I rolled on top of him, deepened our kiss and when I felt Peeta’s body responding I smiled against his lips.
“Katniss,” He breathed as I moved from his lips to his neck. ”Katniss I think we need to take a break.” I shook my head.
“No Peeta. I think we need to just keep going.” He pushed back for a minute.
“Katniss, don’t…” Whatever he had been about to say was cut off by my lips against his and my hips grinding against his noticeable excitement.
“I love you Peeta.” I whispered in his ear. I wasn’t lying. I did love him. Of that I was completely sure. What I wasn’t certain of was whether or not I was in love with him. At this moment I didn’t feel that clarification was necessary and he didn’t ask.
Those four words were enough. He gave in. And after, as we lay together, out of breath but full of heat, he whispered them back to me.
“I love you Katniss.” I nestled my head in the curve of his shoulder, feeling his bare skin against my cheek. I closed my eyes, and for the first time in weeks, I slept soundly.
Chapter 1
Peeta Mellark
“I wouldn’t have any regrets at all if,” I slowly dropped off as if it were too painful to speak. I tried again, “If it weren’t,” I looked down, waiting for Caesar to ask me. He did.
“If it weren’t for what?” I looked out into the crowd as mournfully as I could.
“If it weren’t for the baby.” The room burst into chaos. Yells, Screams, complete madness ensued. Women across the room were even fainting. Sending an unborn infant into the arena? Now that was something they couldn’t live with. At least I hoped it was something they couldn’t live with. Perhaps they’d send her home now. Then I could die in that arena in peace, knowing that Gale would take care of her. The screams overran anything Caesar or I tried to say so he gave me a nod and I ran to stand with the other victors. I looked back into the crowd and saw Haymitch raising his flask to me grinning. The minute I got to the podium, I wrapped Katniss in a hug and when we pulled away she kissed me soundly. She understood. I breathed a sigh of relief. I clung to her hand like it was the life support I so desperately needed right now and I saw her reach her other hand over to Chaff, taking his stump in her hand. Chaff reached to the women beside him and on and on it went down the line until all 24 of us were linked. Together. A team. A rebellion. We looked at one another and we raised our hands in solidarity, showing the Capitol, showing Snow, and showing the world that we were one, that we weren’t going to go through this like any other Games, and that we weren’t just fighting each other anymore.
They shut the lights out and I gripped on to Katniss, knowing that in the pitch black of the room I could lose her if I wasn’t careful. We fumbled through the darkness together in the general direction of the elevator. We got into one, jammed in with several other victors. We didn’t speak with any of them but as they got off, one by one we clung tighter and tighter to each other. Just like that first night on the train, we didn’t hold back. We had one last chance to be together. We had been together like this since then, but unlike that first night I had always held back for as long as I could. I know what Katniss said, about loving me, but I knew that she loved Gale too. I always had to be 100% sure that this was what she wanted. In the past few months, it seemed like it was all she wanted. Maybe it was the knowledge that we weren’t both getting out this time, that any second could be one of our last together, well whatever it was, I wasn’t complaining, because I felt it too. This pathological need to be with her and there for her in any way that I could. It had become scandalous enough that Effie had begun yelling for real at us about our behavior. Rumor had circulated well before our arrival in the capital and we had both been on the receiving end of a few taunts from the other victors about it.
The day of individual training Johanna asked if we lovebirds were planning on continuing our fornication in the Arena. She added that it might keep the cameras on us if we did and Katniss almost went for her throat then and there but it gave me the idea. The idea that made me go up in front of every living person left in the world and tell them that Katniss was pregnant. Which brought us back to this moment. This might be the last moment we were both alive. And I wasn’t going to waste a second of it.
“I wouldn’t have any regrets at all if,” I slowly dropped off as if it were too painful to speak. I tried again, “If it weren’t,” I looked down, waiting for Caesar to ask me. He did.
“If it weren’t for what?” I looked out into the crowd as mournfully as I could.
“If it weren’t for the baby.” The room burst into chaos. Yells, Screams, complete madness ensued. Women across the room were even fainting. Sending an unborn infant into the arena? Now that was something they couldn’t live with. At least I hoped it was something they couldn’t live with. Perhaps they’d send her home now. Then I could die in that arena in peace, knowing that Gale would take care of her. The screams overran anything Caesar or I tried to say so he gave me a nod and I ran to stand with the other victors. I looked back into the crowd and saw Haymitch raising his flask to me grinning. The minute I got to the podium, I wrapped Katniss in a hug and when we pulled away she kissed me soundly. She understood. I breathed a sigh of relief. I clung to her hand like it was the life support I so desperately needed right now and I saw her reach her other hand over to Chaff, taking his stump in her hand. Chaff reached to the women beside him and on and on it went down the line until all 24 of us were linked. Together. A team. A rebellion. We looked at one another and we raised our hands in solidarity, showing the Capitol, showing Snow, and showing the world that we were one, that we weren’t going to go through this like any other Games, and that we weren’t just fighting each other anymore.
They shut the lights out and I gripped on to Katniss, knowing that in the pitch black of the room I could lose her if I wasn’t careful. We fumbled through the darkness together in the general direction of the elevator. We got into one, jammed in with several other victors. We didn’t speak with any of them but as they got off, one by one we clung tighter and tighter to each other. Just like that first night on the train, we didn’t hold back. We had one last chance to be together. We had been together like this since then, but unlike that first night I had always held back for as long as I could. I know what Katniss said, about loving me, but I knew that she loved Gale too. I always had to be 100% sure that this was what she wanted. In the past few months, it seemed like it was all she wanted. Maybe it was the knowledge that we weren’t both getting out this time, that any second could be one of our last together, well whatever it was, I wasn’t complaining, because I felt it too. This pathological need to be with her and there for her in any way that I could. It had become scandalous enough that Effie had begun yelling for real at us about our behavior. Rumor had circulated well before our arrival in the capital and we had both been on the receiving end of a few taunts from the other victors about it.
The day of individual training Johanna asked if we lovebirds were planning on continuing our fornication in the Arena. She added that it might keep the cameras on us if we did and Katniss almost went for her throat then and there but it gave me the idea. The idea that made me go up in front of every living person left in the world and tell them that Katniss was pregnant. Which brought us back to this moment. This might be the last moment we were both alive. And I wasn’t going to waste a second of it.
Chapter 2
Finnick Odair
“You son of a bitch! You promised me you would save him over me! You promised me you’d save him! You are a liar! You are a liar!” Katniss was hysterical. Her hands were flailing and Haymitch would have bruises in the morning even if her nails didn’t scratch his face up pretty badly. The way she screamed, I realized how much she loved him. Truly, completely loved him. And then I thought of Annie. The Capitol had her too. They had gone and scooped up every victor that they could get, just like we had. That meant they had my Annie. My poor, helpless Annie who knew absolutely nothing. As Plutarch shot the sedative into Katniss and she slowly sunk to the floor it hit me, just how truly helpless all of us victors really were. The Capitol had the ones we loved, how could we fight it?
“Annie,” I muttered angrily.
“What?” Haymitch turned to me, his brow furrowed.
“They have Peeta, Johanna, and Annie. We can’t fight the Capitol they’ll kill them!” I was hyperventilating by now and I could see Plutarch reaching for another syringe. “We need to give up! Give them what they want!” I was screaming now. “I CAN’T LET THEM HURT HER!!” I grabbed Haymitch’s shoulders and shook him, trying to make him understand. “I CAN’T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO HER!!!! TURN AROUND!!!!!! GO AND GET HER!!! GO AND GET PEETA!!!” I opened my mouth to speak and I put my hand up to my cheek to wipe the tears that were falling steadily down my cheeks. I felt a sharp pinch in my shoulder and I turned to see Plutarch having sedated me too. “Please, Haymitch. Please go get them.” I begged as my eyes drifted shut.
Katniss Everdeen
Finnick grabbed my hand and gave me a reassuring smile. I looked back, begging myself not to cry. I was so sick of crying. He smiled at me but I could tell it was forced. Finnick. He understood what I was going through right now. His love was in the Capitol because of him, too. He had gone through that same hell I had been in. He felt the same guilt, the same terror and the same desperate hope that I had. No one else in this District could say the same. So I let him in. I had been blocking everyone, my family, my friends, just looking at them made me sick with worry for Peeta. But right now, as Finnick wrapped his arms around me I knew that we were going to get to the Capitol and save Peeta and Annie and if the rest of this District didn’t hurry up and do it, Finnick and I would do it ourselves. We waited for President Coin to start this meeting. A Television was being set up in the corner of the room and I noticed Gale standing next to it, glaring Finnick down. Finnick leaned down and whispered in my ear.
“Your friend seems to think I’m about to make a move on you. I’d rather not make yet another scene. Besides, if he got around to insinuating that I would ever do that to Annie then I would have to kill him and I know you like him so I’d rather not. I’m going to let you go now, but I’m still here for you if you need me.” I nodded and the warmth of his embrace disappeared and I found myself wrapped up in the cold loneliness once more. Suddenly the screen before us came to life and there he was.
“Peeta!” I called out, as though he could hear me. He started going back and forth with Caesar, rehashing the events of the Quell, and screaming about how he wishes he could have saved me. Caesar asks if I knew anything and he insists angrily that I didn’t. I know that this should make me feel better, knowing that Peeta doesn’t blame me but it just makes me feel worse. They’ve got him locked up in the Capitol while I am out here in 13. And he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know that his child truly grows within me. Peeta says some bullshit about how we can’t have war, how everyone needs to stop fighting but I know that this is just the Capitol shoving words through his mouth. I can’t stay in here for another second. Haymitch and Plutarch keep going on and on about how good he looks, saying that is in good health and that the Capitol must have even done some repair work to some of his injuries but I say that it doesn’t matter whether or not he is physically injured. I want him out of Snow’s grips now. I can’t stay here. So I run. I run out and go hide. Because that is all I am good for. I can’t save Peeta, I couldn’t save 12 and I can’t even make the decision about being the Mockingjay. All I can do, is hide.
Gale Hawthorne
Why did she let him in when she wouldn’t even talk to me? We had fought. It wasn’t our first fight, we fought all the time! Okay maybe this time was a little more intense than usual but I still knew we’d make up, go back to being friends. I had been worried about Peeta for so long that I hadn’t even thought to worry about anyone else. But she wouldn’t even talk to me let alone let me comfort her and here she was, wrapped up in the arms of Finnick Odair, Capitol Sex Symbol. What exactly had happened between the two of them? They were always on their own, confiding in each other, holding each other for comfort. Why couldn’t she do all of that with me? When she made her break for it, I instinctively blocked the man trying to grab her and after they demoted me I chased after her. I found her sobbing in a cupboard. The strongest woman I had ever known was curled up in a cupboard, crying. Maybe she loved Peeta more than I thought.
“You son of a bitch! You promised me you would save him over me! You promised me you’d save him! You are a liar! You are a liar!” Katniss was hysterical. Her hands were flailing and Haymitch would have bruises in the morning even if her nails didn’t scratch his face up pretty badly. The way she screamed, I realized how much she loved him. Truly, completely loved him. And then I thought of Annie. The Capitol had her too. They had gone and scooped up every victor that they could get, just like we had. That meant they had my Annie. My poor, helpless Annie who knew absolutely nothing. As Plutarch shot the sedative into Katniss and she slowly sunk to the floor it hit me, just how truly helpless all of us victors really were. The Capitol had the ones we loved, how could we fight it?
“Annie,” I muttered angrily.
“What?” Haymitch turned to me, his brow furrowed.
“They have Peeta, Johanna, and Annie. We can’t fight the Capitol they’ll kill them!” I was hyperventilating by now and I could see Plutarch reaching for another syringe. “We need to give up! Give them what they want!” I was screaming now. “I CAN’T LET THEM HURT HER!!” I grabbed Haymitch’s shoulders and shook him, trying to make him understand. “I CAN’T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO HER!!!! TURN AROUND!!!!!! GO AND GET HER!!! GO AND GET PEETA!!!” I opened my mouth to speak and I put my hand up to my cheek to wipe the tears that were falling steadily down my cheeks. I felt a sharp pinch in my shoulder and I turned to see Plutarch having sedated me too. “Please, Haymitch. Please go get them.” I begged as my eyes drifted shut.
Katniss Everdeen
Finnick grabbed my hand and gave me a reassuring smile. I looked back, begging myself not to cry. I was so sick of crying. He smiled at me but I could tell it was forced. Finnick. He understood what I was going through right now. His love was in the Capitol because of him, too. He had gone through that same hell I had been in. He felt the same guilt, the same terror and the same desperate hope that I had. No one else in this District could say the same. So I let him in. I had been blocking everyone, my family, my friends, just looking at them made me sick with worry for Peeta. But right now, as Finnick wrapped his arms around me I knew that we were going to get to the Capitol and save Peeta and Annie and if the rest of this District didn’t hurry up and do it, Finnick and I would do it ourselves. We waited for President Coin to start this meeting. A Television was being set up in the corner of the room and I noticed Gale standing next to it, glaring Finnick down. Finnick leaned down and whispered in my ear.
“Your friend seems to think I’m about to make a move on you. I’d rather not make yet another scene. Besides, if he got around to insinuating that I would ever do that to Annie then I would have to kill him and I know you like him so I’d rather not. I’m going to let you go now, but I’m still here for you if you need me.” I nodded and the warmth of his embrace disappeared and I found myself wrapped up in the cold loneliness once more. Suddenly the screen before us came to life and there he was.
“Peeta!” I called out, as though he could hear me. He started going back and forth with Caesar, rehashing the events of the Quell, and screaming about how he wishes he could have saved me. Caesar asks if I knew anything and he insists angrily that I didn’t. I know that this should make me feel better, knowing that Peeta doesn’t blame me but it just makes me feel worse. They’ve got him locked up in the Capitol while I am out here in 13. And he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know that his child truly grows within me. Peeta says some bullshit about how we can’t have war, how everyone needs to stop fighting but I know that this is just the Capitol shoving words through his mouth. I can’t stay in here for another second. Haymitch and Plutarch keep going on and on about how good he looks, saying that is in good health and that the Capitol must have even done some repair work to some of his injuries but I say that it doesn’t matter whether or not he is physically injured. I want him out of Snow’s grips now. I can’t stay here. So I run. I run out and go hide. Because that is all I am good for. I can’t save Peeta, I couldn’t save 12 and I can’t even make the decision about being the Mockingjay. All I can do, is hide.
Gale Hawthorne
Why did she let him in when she wouldn’t even talk to me? We had fought. It wasn’t our first fight, we fought all the time! Okay maybe this time was a little more intense than usual but I still knew we’d make up, go back to being friends. I had been worried about Peeta for so long that I hadn’t even thought to worry about anyone else. But she wouldn’t even talk to me let alone let me comfort her and here she was, wrapped up in the arms of Finnick Odair, Capitol Sex Symbol. What exactly had happened between the two of them? They were always on their own, confiding in each other, holding each other for comfort. Why couldn’t she do all of that with me? When she made her break for it, I instinctively blocked the man trying to grab her and after they demoted me I chased after her. I found her sobbing in a cupboard. The strongest woman I had ever known was curled up in a cupboard, crying. Maybe she loved Peeta more than I thought.
Chapter 4
Katniss Everdeen
I was glad Gale and I were friends again. But I still didn’t feel comfortable telling him that I was pregnant. I had informed my mother of my suspicions the minute we were alone together and she managed to sneak me a test to be certain without anyone else knowing and it was confirmed. I was pregnant. I had just past the three months mark and I wasn’t showing at all. The slight starvation in the Games most certainly had an effect on my weight but my mother said that women in the districts rarely showed at this point, but I had a few more weeks before someone would start to see how fat I was getting. And here in 13, where we were given just enough food to survive and never any more, someone gaining weight was bound to draw a massive amount of attention. I had to start telling the people I wanted to hear it from me, now.
Normally, my ‘who-to-tell-my-secrets-to’ list began with Peeta and Gale. I couldn’t tell Peeta seeing as he was far away in the capitol and I didn’t know how to tell Gale that Peeta and I had slept together let alone that I was carrying his child. My mother and Prim knew, it wasn’t like I had any other real friends here, except for Finnick and Beetee. My fellow victors. And that is how I ended up in a room with just them, sweating and twitching nervously.
“What is it Katniss?” Beetee asked, his brow furrowed the way it always was when he was trying hard to think. “Why are we here?”
“I need to tell you guys something.” I said, my voice quivering. Finnick took my hand and looked at me supportively.
“Do you remember the interviews, before the Quell?” Beetee smiled nervously.
“It seems like a lifetime ago, but yes, of course.”
“Peeta said that I was pregnant, to try to get the Capitol to stop the Quell?” Beetee nodded but the small smile dropped off Finnick’s face. He knew where I was going with this but I couldn’t stop. If I didn’t get this out now I wasn’t going to be able to get it out. “Well he completely made that up but, um,” I looked down at my hands. “I just found out that I am,” I paused to gage their reactions. So far they just hung on my every word. Their faces were blank, un-showing. And I didn’t know how to take that. “I am pregnant.” There was a pause.
“Who else knows?” Beetee asked logically, as though I had just told him I had bought a cake.
“My mother and Prim. I wanted to tell Peeta in the Arena but I couldn’t figure out how to tell him in front of the audience without making him look like a liar for saying it originally when he didn’t know that it was true.”
“And how far along are you?” He continued. Finnick just stared at me. Not showing me what he was feeling.
“We think I’m about 13 weeks.”
“Why haven’t you told Gale?” Finnick finally spoke but even now his voice didn’t betray how he truly felt. I looked down again, ashamed.
“He thinks that everything with Peeta, all of it was an act. He knows I have feelings for him but he doesn’t know that we,” I trailed off and had to let Finnick finish for me.
“Slept together?” He prompted, using the kindest innuendo possible. I nodded. “And Haymitch?”
“My mother, Prim and the two of you are the only ones who know.” I confirmed.
“When are you telling everyone else?” Beetee asked. I looked up and decided right then and there on the answer to that.
“When it becomes necessary for them to know. I just wish I could have told Peeta before anyone. But I don’t even know how to tell him. God knows what the Capitol is doing to him. God knows if he will even be here when this baby is born. Hell, I don’t even know if we can get him back alive and give this baby its father!” And with that I broke down and sobbed. Finnick wrapped me up in his arms and picked me up, out of my chair. I wrapped my arms around him and allowed him to carry me out of the room and towards my bed. He practically ran into President Coin in the stairwell.
“Finnick!” She began cheerfully when she saw his face. “And Katniss?” she sounded less certain when she saw my distraught form, hanging in Finnick’s arms helplessly. Apparently she decided not to comment because she continued on as if nothing were amiss. “I’m glad I found you. We are about to meet in the council room and we’d like the two of you to attend.”
“President Coin, I think it might be best if I take Katniss back to her rooms instead.” Finnick suggested.
“I’m afraid it was less of a suggestion and more of a command Soldier Odair. The two of you are needed, now.” I could feel Finnick’s silent sight moving through his chest as he turned around and carried me back in the direction we had come from and into the council room. The minute we entered everyone rushed to our side.
“Good Lord, is she all right?” Plutarch cried out as he saw my limp form.
“What the hell did she do now?” Haymitch’s voice pierced through the noise.
“Katniss?” Gale rushed to my side and attempted to take me from Finnick. “Let me handle this Odair.” There was a threatening tone in his voice that I didn’t like the sound of.
“I’m fine.” I mumbled. Finnick set me into a chair and slid in next to me keeping his arm around my shoulder. He leaned over to me and whispered.
“Tell them. Sooner rather than later.” I nodded.
“I’ll get to it.” I mumbled back.
“Get to what?” Gale asked loudly. Finnick glared at him for his lack of tact.
“Don’t worry about it.” He responded for me.
“What, are you two sharing secrets now?” Gale hissed.
“Gale just stop. I’ll tell you later, okay?” It came out a bit harsher than I had meant it to but I was still trying not to cry. I couldn’t let these people see me cry. Gale slid into the seat straight across from me and started me down the entire meeting.
“I think we can all agree that these commercials aren’t really working.” Haymitch begins. I tune him out until Finnick nudge me, his eyes wide with hints.
“Sorry, what?” I cut into Plutarch’s soliloquy. Everyone turned to look at me. “Sorry,” I repeated myself. “I kind of zoned out.” I said weakly.
“I was simply saying that I know you want to get out there and help the movement and we want you out there but since everyone thinks you’re pregnant we should probably circulate that you miscarried in the electric shock.” Nods and murmurs of agreement went up around the room and I glanced at Finnick for support. I had planned on telling Gale first but there was really no way around this one. They had just given me the perfect intro.
“Or,” I cut in loudly. Too loudly. Everyone was staring at me again. I felt self-conscious. I looked back down and my hands until Finnick pulled his hand from around my shoulder and squeezed my fingers in his.
“Come on girl on fire, be brave.” He whispered.
“Or, we could show a video of me getting my first ultra sound on the Capitol’s television. We can talk about how I wanted Peeta here for this moment and that’s why we are televising it, so that in his own way he is here. We can say how sad I am that the Capitol is keeping Peeta away from his family and how I want him back to me before I give birth to this baby and that I will fight everyone in my path until he is home where he belongs.”
“That actually could work, too. Play the desperate mother card. How easy will it be to find a pregnant woman’s ultrasound and hook it up to a monitor while we film Katniss?” Haymitch said, breaking the silence. People began responding, starting to draw out a timeline for how far along I should be exactly. Finnick squeezed my hand once more, urging me on.
“I don’t think all of that will be necessary.” I cut in once more.
“Katniss, the Capitol will pick apart this story and anything else we show their people, and try to discredit it. We need to figure out exactly what would make sense. It needs to be long enough that Peeta would have known by the time he said it, so as not to discredit him, and yet short enough that you wouldn’t have been showing by the time you left the Arena. It needs to be…”
“13 weeks.” I said quietly. They still weren’t getting it. They poured over a calendar and started hemming and hawing, wondering if it should be 12 or 14 instead. But not Haymitch. He was looking at me oddly.
“Why do you say that Katniss?” He broke in through the chatter. “And how did you come up with this oh so brilliant plan? You haven’t exactly been paying attention oh gee, since you got here.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm and I glanced at Finnick who nodded his encouragement one final time before taking a deep breath and answering him.
“I came up with that because I want Peeta here for my first ultrasound and if I can’t have that then I at least want him to see our baby. I think that an image like that will help him keep fighting. I came up with it because I want Peeta here so that our family can be whole and I am completely and without a doubt terrified that he’s never going to come back to me or our baby and that I will be alone when I give birth. And I came up with it because that terror is making me more and more sure every single day that I will fight every single human being, every mutt, and every mechanical trap that the Capitol puts between us in order to get the father of my unborn child home as soon as humanly possible.” Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I hadn’t been this emotional in years and now, this stupid pregnancy was forcing me to be the emotional mess that I had run away from my entire life. I had stood up and I had the attention of the room. You could hear a pin drop. “I came up with it, Haymitch, because I am 13 weeks pregnant.”
I was glad Gale and I were friends again. But I still didn’t feel comfortable telling him that I was pregnant. I had informed my mother of my suspicions the minute we were alone together and she managed to sneak me a test to be certain without anyone else knowing and it was confirmed. I was pregnant. I had just past the three months mark and I wasn’t showing at all. The slight starvation in the Games most certainly had an effect on my weight but my mother said that women in the districts rarely showed at this point, but I had a few more weeks before someone would start to see how fat I was getting. And here in 13, where we were given just enough food to survive and never any more, someone gaining weight was bound to draw a massive amount of attention. I had to start telling the people I wanted to hear it from me, now.
Normally, my ‘who-to-tell-my-secrets-to’ list began with Peeta and Gale. I couldn’t tell Peeta seeing as he was far away in the capitol and I didn’t know how to tell Gale that Peeta and I had slept together let alone that I was carrying his child. My mother and Prim knew, it wasn’t like I had any other real friends here, except for Finnick and Beetee. My fellow victors. And that is how I ended up in a room with just them, sweating and twitching nervously.
“What is it Katniss?” Beetee asked, his brow furrowed the way it always was when he was trying hard to think. “Why are we here?”
“I need to tell you guys something.” I said, my voice quivering. Finnick took my hand and looked at me supportively.
“Do you remember the interviews, before the Quell?” Beetee smiled nervously.
“It seems like a lifetime ago, but yes, of course.”
“Peeta said that I was pregnant, to try to get the Capitol to stop the Quell?” Beetee nodded but the small smile dropped off Finnick’s face. He knew where I was going with this but I couldn’t stop. If I didn’t get this out now I wasn’t going to be able to get it out. “Well he completely made that up but, um,” I looked down at my hands. “I just found out that I am,” I paused to gage their reactions. So far they just hung on my every word. Their faces were blank, un-showing. And I didn’t know how to take that. “I am pregnant.” There was a pause.
“Who else knows?” Beetee asked logically, as though I had just told him I had bought a cake.
“My mother and Prim. I wanted to tell Peeta in the Arena but I couldn’t figure out how to tell him in front of the audience without making him look like a liar for saying it originally when he didn’t know that it was true.”
“And how far along are you?” He continued. Finnick just stared at me. Not showing me what he was feeling.
“We think I’m about 13 weeks.”
“Why haven’t you told Gale?” Finnick finally spoke but even now his voice didn’t betray how he truly felt. I looked down again, ashamed.
“He thinks that everything with Peeta, all of it was an act. He knows I have feelings for him but he doesn’t know that we,” I trailed off and had to let Finnick finish for me.
“Slept together?” He prompted, using the kindest innuendo possible. I nodded. “And Haymitch?”
“My mother, Prim and the two of you are the only ones who know.” I confirmed.
“When are you telling everyone else?” Beetee asked. I looked up and decided right then and there on the answer to that.
“When it becomes necessary for them to know. I just wish I could have told Peeta before anyone. But I don’t even know how to tell him. God knows what the Capitol is doing to him. God knows if he will even be here when this baby is born. Hell, I don’t even know if we can get him back alive and give this baby its father!” And with that I broke down and sobbed. Finnick wrapped me up in his arms and picked me up, out of my chair. I wrapped my arms around him and allowed him to carry me out of the room and towards my bed. He practically ran into President Coin in the stairwell.
“Finnick!” She began cheerfully when she saw his face. “And Katniss?” she sounded less certain when she saw my distraught form, hanging in Finnick’s arms helplessly. Apparently she decided not to comment because she continued on as if nothing were amiss. “I’m glad I found you. We are about to meet in the council room and we’d like the two of you to attend.”
“President Coin, I think it might be best if I take Katniss back to her rooms instead.” Finnick suggested.
“I’m afraid it was less of a suggestion and more of a command Soldier Odair. The two of you are needed, now.” I could feel Finnick’s silent sight moving through his chest as he turned around and carried me back in the direction we had come from and into the council room. The minute we entered everyone rushed to our side.
“Good Lord, is she all right?” Plutarch cried out as he saw my limp form.
“What the hell did she do now?” Haymitch’s voice pierced through the noise.
“Katniss?” Gale rushed to my side and attempted to take me from Finnick. “Let me handle this Odair.” There was a threatening tone in his voice that I didn’t like the sound of.
“I’m fine.” I mumbled. Finnick set me into a chair and slid in next to me keeping his arm around my shoulder. He leaned over to me and whispered.
“Tell them. Sooner rather than later.” I nodded.
“I’ll get to it.” I mumbled back.
“Get to what?” Gale asked loudly. Finnick glared at him for his lack of tact.
“Don’t worry about it.” He responded for me.
“What, are you two sharing secrets now?” Gale hissed.
“Gale just stop. I’ll tell you later, okay?” It came out a bit harsher than I had meant it to but I was still trying not to cry. I couldn’t let these people see me cry. Gale slid into the seat straight across from me and started me down the entire meeting.
“I think we can all agree that these commercials aren’t really working.” Haymitch begins. I tune him out until Finnick nudge me, his eyes wide with hints.
“Sorry, what?” I cut into Plutarch’s soliloquy. Everyone turned to look at me. “Sorry,” I repeated myself. “I kind of zoned out.” I said weakly.
“I was simply saying that I know you want to get out there and help the movement and we want you out there but since everyone thinks you’re pregnant we should probably circulate that you miscarried in the electric shock.” Nods and murmurs of agreement went up around the room and I glanced at Finnick for support. I had planned on telling Gale first but there was really no way around this one. They had just given me the perfect intro.
“Or,” I cut in loudly. Too loudly. Everyone was staring at me again. I felt self-conscious. I looked back down and my hands until Finnick pulled his hand from around my shoulder and squeezed my fingers in his.
“Come on girl on fire, be brave.” He whispered.
“Or, we could show a video of me getting my first ultra sound on the Capitol’s television. We can talk about how I wanted Peeta here for this moment and that’s why we are televising it, so that in his own way he is here. We can say how sad I am that the Capitol is keeping Peeta away from his family and how I want him back to me before I give birth to this baby and that I will fight everyone in my path until he is home where he belongs.”
“That actually could work, too. Play the desperate mother card. How easy will it be to find a pregnant woman’s ultrasound and hook it up to a monitor while we film Katniss?” Haymitch said, breaking the silence. People began responding, starting to draw out a timeline for how far along I should be exactly. Finnick squeezed my hand once more, urging me on.
“I don’t think all of that will be necessary.” I cut in once more.
“Katniss, the Capitol will pick apart this story and anything else we show their people, and try to discredit it. We need to figure out exactly what would make sense. It needs to be long enough that Peeta would have known by the time he said it, so as not to discredit him, and yet short enough that you wouldn’t have been showing by the time you left the Arena. It needs to be…”
“13 weeks.” I said quietly. They still weren’t getting it. They poured over a calendar and started hemming and hawing, wondering if it should be 12 or 14 instead. But not Haymitch. He was looking at me oddly.
“Why do you say that Katniss?” He broke in through the chatter. “And how did you come up with this oh so brilliant plan? You haven’t exactly been paying attention oh gee, since you got here.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm and I glanced at Finnick who nodded his encouragement one final time before taking a deep breath and answering him.
“I came up with that because I want Peeta here for my first ultrasound and if I can’t have that then I at least want him to see our baby. I think that an image like that will help him keep fighting. I came up with it because I want Peeta here so that our family can be whole and I am completely and without a doubt terrified that he’s never going to come back to me or our baby and that I will be alone when I give birth. And I came up with it because that terror is making me more and more sure every single day that I will fight every single human being, every mutt, and every mechanical trap that the Capitol puts between us in order to get the father of my unborn child home as soon as humanly possible.” Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I hadn’t been this emotional in years and now, this stupid pregnancy was forcing me to be the emotional mess that I had run away from my entire life. I had stood up and I had the attention of the room. You could hear a pin drop. “I came up with it, Haymitch, because I am 13 weeks pregnant.”